The scene is a posh Las Vegas hotel bar.
Seated at a spacious booth are the Commissioners of the Big Ten, the Big 12, SEC and ACC. Smells of cigarettes, cigars and expensive alcohol fill the room. The smells are cut off by the laughter of the four men.
Big Ten: Boys, we’ve done an AWESOME thing, USC and UCLA, and, now, Washington and Oregon to the Big Ten! Arizona, ASU, Colorado, Utah to the Big 12! Woo! Gordon Ramsey would be an awe of our knife skills of the PAC 12!
(Light laughter dies off)
…Too soon? Aw, the hell with it, do you know I received, yes me, I received calls about killing the Cal-Stanford rivalry and the ‘Big Game’?
His exasperation is cut off by a question from one within group, ‘And what did you say?’
‘I said, ask the ACC!!!!’
ACC President: And we’re working on it, believe me!
(More boisterous laughter, Big Ten and ACC toast glasses as Big Ten lights a cigarette and frowns)
Big Ten: ‘Aw, shit!’
(The others turn in unison)
‘No, don’t look, don’t look….Goddamnit!’
SEC: ‘Whats the matter?’
‘Notre Dame’s here. It was always The Power 5 and Notre Dame….we’ve been waxing them for years, why in the world are they here?!? They bitch and moan how’s it not fair but then have the balls to stay independent? Elitism at its worst!
ACC: Simple, they’re ACC eligible in virtually every other college sport, and um, Big Ten, fact you’re glossing over, this, ‘waxing’, get off your own high horse because you went to Ohio State, they were in the game, in Columbus into the fourth quarter, second, they beaten Clemson recently, can you say that, and Michigan?
But you want to know why they have a seat at our table year after year and we listen to them year after year….boys?
Big 12, ACC and SEC in unison: They make us money, a shit ton of it! So we listen to them…
(A well dressed man with a Gold pin and tie to match walks up)
Notre Dame: Gentlemen, congratulations, you’ve had quite the week! Quite the coup for you all! The Big Ten expanding to 18! Was it worth destroying a conference and traditions along the way for more money?’
Big Ten: You’re going to whine to me about ‘the poor traditions’ that the Big 10 destroyed? You’ve been on an island for years and chose to stay that way!
Notre Dame: (grinning, rubbing Big Ten’s shoulder), and yet, here I stand my friend, with two prime time home games this season against Ohio State and USC. Games, broadcast on NBC, streamed on Peacock, whom the Big Ten just a inked huge media deal last year to start broadcasting and streaming games this year. Once again, me being here, lining our pockets making us all a ton of money, so I am not the monster you make me out to be! But that’s right, you stick to your principled high ground and we’ll forget how you raped, I mean, basically torpedoed a tradition laden conference with amazing fan bases all for the sake of the same reason we’re all here, Money! But, no, while The Irish are setting ratings records against SC and Ohio State, you enjoy church on those Saturday evenings.
SEC: Burn!
Big Ten: Cocky asshole!’
Notre Dame: (Laughs) But Im not wrong! Next round on me, boys!
(The men adjourn to a posh suite, beautiful views, booze and food await).
SEC: So what brings you here, Irish?
Notre Dame: Future Business.
Big 10: See, you always do this! You ALWAYS want your piece! Schedules are already set years in advance, you already have Bama on the schedule in coming years , you play Texas and Florida in coming years as well, Miami as well…..take the bite you have….
Notre Dame: Ignore him. You know the CBS tagline, ‘The Best Game, the Best Conference, The Best Network?’ I know your contract’s up after 23.
You know what I hear? I hear that spoken by Fowler and Herbstreit in 2024 as Notre Dame visits Oklahoma or Texas at the Cotton Bowl in Prime Time. Think about it! The Irish in Tuscaloosa or Atlanta over Labor Day weekend to face Bama or Georgia in prime time, then the traditional Red River Rivalry, OU and Texas at noon on an October Saturday, Notre Dame against anyone, say for arguments sake, Tennessee at 3:30 PM, then Alabama/Georgia from Athens at night! What a tripleheader!!!
(The men blink in silence)
‘Of course, Fox has OU Texas for a while….and I’m just spit-balling here, it’s late. But, its fun to think about it isn’t it?
SEC: Realistically, what would it take for you guys to….
Notre Dame: A hell of a lot, but for now we’re happy to listen and be wooed by various suitors….Good night Gentlemen.
(Notre Dame exits, shaking hands with the others before leaving, even Big Ten who smiles and continues laughing as Notre Dame exits).
SEC: What now? An hour ago you couldn’t stand him!
Big Ten: He worked us, he absolutely fucking worked us, all of us! They aren’t joining anywhere any time soon. Why would they join us to share money with us, they contribute sure, but why would they want to join a conference and have their profits cut for no reason? Christ, and the worst thing is, we NEED THEM! Those games he proposed, the money stream would be endless! God I hate Notre Dame! But hate more when they are right!!!!’